Finding a Way Through

posted 18 Jan 2011, 16:32 by Collaborative Divorce News   [ updated 18 Jan 2011, 16:41 ]
When my solicitor first suggested to me that my wife and I could sit around a table and resolve all of our issues without the need to go to Court, although I liked the idea, frankly I thought she was mad.  We hadn’t communicated well since the breakdown over anything – children, money, friends & family.  However I liked the idea that we would be setting the agenda, deciding what was and what was not important to us. Trying to resolve issues without ever going to Court definitely appealed to me. I also hoped that we could maintain a civil relationship as parents. With all this in mind, I agreed to be “Collaborative”.

I acknowledged at the outset that I was quite emotional over a number of issues. My wife was too. However in truth when we sat round the table we were all on our best behaviour because we were sat with two solicitors.  It was unnerving to some extent but the solicitors seemed to be working for both of us – nobody was on anybody’s side and everybody seemed to be trying to find a sensible and practical way forward. 

It was difficult and sometimes I had to back down over some issues but I had to acknowledge that it was the same for my wife. With help and guidance we managed to find a way through to resolving the issues.

This may not be everybody’s way of dealing with the breakdown of their marriage but so far as my ex and I are concerned, we are still on speaking terms and we very much hope we have minimised the impact on our kids – they only ever see their parents being polite to each other and we have made a point of agreeing within the Collaborative process that we would only ever be positive about each other.  This is not always easy!

If you think this is the way you might be able to deal with a divorce then talk to somebody. Find out more about Collaborative Family Practice by a specially trained collaborative lawyer in your area who will be willing and able to assist you.