They say that if you get divorced the likelihood is that one of your friends will be divorced at the same time. This was true for me, my divorce occurred shortly after my best friend’s. I never got to speak to her while we were going through the family problems because I was tied up with my family and arguments, and it’s a shame that I didn't speak with her.
After all the dust had settled I could not understand how she was able to remain on speaking terms with her ex husband. They appeared civil and friendly to each other, and had sorted out their kids arrangements really well. In contrast, I was still struggling. Every time I spoke to my ex, we still ended up arguing and fighting. I could sense that our children were caught in the middle.
My friend told me that she had used a Collaborative approach to her Divorce. Not only had she been able to sort out the practical issues for their children and money, but they had also resolved a lot of personal issues too.
I was divorced nearly two years ago. I came out with a reasonable settlement, enough to get me started again, but it took a long time and seemed like a battle.
I feel sure that if we had met together with professional help, things may have been different. After all my former husband, wasn't all bad. In general we had a good marriage and a good family. When it started going downhill, we stopped talking to each other. When we did talk, we barked and snapped at each other. I now realise that we lost the
respect of each other, and of our children too.
My friend had the better divorce, if there is such a thing. Over the last year I have had to re-build my relationship with my kids but my relationship with my ex husband is still very strained. I look with envy on my best friend. Why couldn't my divorce have been like that?
If you think this is the way you might be able to deal with a divorce then talk to
somebody. I urge you to find out more about Collaborative Family Practice by contacting one of the specially trained collaborative lawyers near you who will be willing and able to assist you.